The Harmful Effects of Toxic Positivity on Grief

The Challenge of Toxic Positivity in Grief

Remember, this is for all types of loss, not just the loss of a loved one.

Do these sound familiar?

1. "Don't be sad, just think positive and everything will be fine!"
2. "Everything happens for a reason, so just focus on the good."
3. "Just be grateful for what you have and you'll feel better."
4. “You're strong, so you should be able to get over this quickly."
5. ”Don't worry, everything will work out in the end."
6. ”Stay positive and don't dwell on the negative emotions."
7. ”Just think happy thoughts and you'll feel better."
8. ”There's always a silver lining, so focus on that."
9. "Everything happens for a reason, you can handle this."
10. "You're meant to go through this, you'll be fine."

The Impact of Toxic Positivity on the Grieving Process

These quotes served as a harmful influence on me during my grieving process after losing my husband. I mistakenly believed that if I embraced these messages, the pain would diminish. However, the concept of toxic positivity, which involves suppressing difficult emotions during times of grief, can actually be damaging.

When individuals attempt to push aside or conceal their natural feelings of loss, they may end up feeling ashamed for not being able to maintain a positive mindset. The societal pressure to present a happy front while struggling with genuine emotions internally can be overwhelming. It is vital to establish boundaries with those who promote this harmful mindset in order to prioritize genuine emotional expression and the healing process.

It isn't done intentionally to cause pain, but it is often done as a way to avoid and deflect uncomfortable conversations.

How to Decipher Toxic Positivity and Genuine Positivity?

Differentiating between toxic positivity and genuine positivity involves understanding the intent behind the positivity and its effects on individuals.

• Genuine Positivity involves acknowledging and addressing difficult emotions while also embracing a hopeful and optimistic mindset. It allows for the validation of all emotions, both positive and negative, and encourages healthy emotional processing.
• Toxic Positivity involves the excessive focus on maintaining a positive facade at the expense of suppressing or ignoring genuine emotions. It can dismiss or invalidate valid feelings of sadness, anger, or grief, and may pressure individuals to simply "think positive" without addressing underlying issues.

Differentiating Between Toxic Positivity and Genuine Positivity

To discern between the two, it is important to consider whether the positivity is supportive of emotional well-being, or if it dismisses or minimizes valid emotions. Genuine positivity allows for a balanced emotional approach, while toxic positivity may lead to feelings of shame, guilt, or emotional suppression.

Frequently, individuals resort to using the phrases listed at the start of this blog when trying to console someone who is grieving a loss because they feel at a loss for words themselves. Instead of admitting uncertainty with a simple, yet heartfelt "I don't know what to say but I want to support you" they opt for offering clichés like "keep a positive attitude" as a way to fill the silence which ultimately avoids and deflects the conversation.

You can usually tell who has been through a similar experience simply by the words they say or don't say.

Often just validation with a gentle touch or a hug can say it all.