Honouring Heroes in Times of Grief: A Story of Strength and Compassion
A hero is often described as someone who displays exceptional courage, selflessness, and compassion in the face of adversity. They are individuals who rise to the occasion, providing support and strength to those in need, especially during the darkest moments of life.
In my work, I have had the profound honour of supporting families through unimaginable circumstances, often in moments when they discover their child is palliative.
This work has taken many forms—providing phone support, creating lasting memories, making hand molds, and sitting with families in their child’s final hours to help them understand the physiological changes occurring, which helps lessen their fear of the unknown.
Time and again, people say, “I could never do that.” And perhaps they couldn’t. But I feel deeply honoured to be present in those moments. My only regret is for the mothers who have lost their children and, after sharing their story, I wish I could have been there to support them through it.
For me, the call to support these families is one that goes beyond professional duty—it’s deeply personal. I hope to offer them a moment of peace, a presence that lets them know they are not alone, and perhaps even help them find a sliver of comfort amidst their unimaginable loss.
The First Family I Supported: A Lesson in Legacy
Most families I’ve supported chose to have their child pass at home, surrounded by familiarity and love. However, the first family I assisted came to me under different circumstances. My daughter was friends with their son—a vibrant 17-year-old known for his love of volleyball.
Tragically, after an unexpected allergic reaction, he was placed on life support in the hospital, with a stream of friends coming to visit.
During those tense hours, as the family awaited news, I reflected on how I might face such a situation. His family, incredibly strong in their grief, decided to open his hospital room to his friends, allowing them to say goodbye. It was an act of grace and strength.
That night, as I sat with his mom, brother, and close family, she expressed her desire to understand the process of organ donation. She knew that if the doctors confirmed her son would not wake up, he would have wanted to help others.
The next morning, the confirmation came: their son was gone.
Creating a Legacy of Life Through Organ Donation
In an incredible display of strength, the family chose to honour their son’s legacy by donating his organs to save other lives. They informed his friends and invited those who wished to say goodbye to do so that morning before requesting privacy. I gathered his friends in a circle and gently told them that their friend would not be coming back, but his last act would be saving others through organ donation.
As they stood in tearful unity, we prayed—not only for their friend but also for those whose lives would be saved by his gift.
Walking the Journey Together: A Heart-Wrenching Goodbye
Accompanying his family to the operating room was gut-wrenching, yet there was strength in their resolve. They knew it was what he would have wanted. The following day, his mother received a call from Trillium Gift of Life with a list of organs already providing life to others. It was a bittersweet mixture of grief and gratitude.
Each family’s story stays with me, and there are days when the weight of their pain feels like my own. To continue this work, I’ve learned the importance of self-care, finding moments to process my feelings, and reminding myself of the strength I draw from the resilience of the families I support.
This experience changed me deeply. It taught me that heroism is not only about grand gestures; it is about the quiet courage displayed in the face of unbearable loss and the compassion shared with others in need.
Honouring Heroes and Creating a Ripple of Compassion
In supporting families through their darkest hours, I’ve come to understand that true heroes are those who stand by others with love and empathy. They choose to honour their loved ones’ legacies by helping others, creating a ripple effect of compassion that changes lives. In a world where grief is often isolating, these heroes remind us of the power of community and the enduring strength of the human spirit.
In moments of loss and adversity, I see so many quiet heroes—parents, siblings, and friends who rise in love and strength. I invite you to think of the heroes in your life, those who offer their compassion selflessly and remind us that, even in our darkest moments, we are not alone.
Through this experience, I became a stronger advocate for organ donation. It’s a decision that offers life even in loss, carrying the legacy of love and compassion forward.
If you feel inspired, I invite you to consider signing up to be an organ donor—because in a world that needs heroes, this act of kindness can truly make a difference.
Mrs. Kimberley Vander Schelde
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