Six months ago through a series of unfortunate events and circumstances, I had to say goodbye to a close friend of 18 years.
Though she did not die, I went through a lot of the same anguish, sadness and eventual healing that I would have gone through had I physically lost her.
Sometimes people go through very chaotic times in their life and amidst the chaos and turmoil of their own lives they cannot see how their actions or behaviours are affecting others.
As a matter of survival, my friend said to me "I have to let my friendships go as I am going through a hard time in my own family with my husband and children, and I cannot be there for anyone else right now."
I grappled with the initial shock and eventual understanding of what this means for my friend and myself and our friendship in general. I had to process my feelings of sadness and not being able to see my good friend and hang out on a regular basis. Loss of time and energy and conversation and laughter. Our children would normally play together as well at park date meetups while we sipped our favourite drinks and made future plans.
These are all things I missed terribly and felt the void in my life tremendously for awhile.
The point is it's a loss, and the pain of missing her is there but as time moves forward and so does the opportunities present itself for new friendships and social groups and reconnecting with other friends. Through my grief for the loss of her I was able to slowly over time allow myself to make new friends and move forward with my own life without her in it.
A recognition that through loss there is also space for new growth and exploration of new friendships.
Healing is a journey and a process and I am sure there is still more feelings to come, but a loss of someone is a loss not defined only by death.
Mrs. Sarah Pollard
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